Who They Become

I remember when Magoo wore this hat.

I remember when Goosie wore this onesie.

I remember when Mae looked like this.

And Magoo looked like this.

And Goosie looked like this.

I was sitting on my couch today playing with little Mae, tickling her, blowing raspberries, watching her trying to mimic the sounds my mouth was making, and I once again became acutely aware of how quickly her first birthday is approaching.  In just about two months, we’ll decorate our house with a bunch of streamers and balloons, I’ll make her a huge cake that she’ll dig into face first, and we’ll sing “Happy Birthday”, celebrating my baby’s entrance into our lives.

I was so excited when Magoo turned one.  I couldn’t wait to see what toddlerhood would bring us.  I was fairly excited as well for Goosie to turn one.  I loved how she was beginning to be able to play with her big sister, and I so wanted to find out what that tenacious little baby spirit would look like as she grew and matured.

But with Mae, the closer the date is approaching, the sadder I get.  I don’t want her to become a toddler just yet.  I want her to stay exactly as she is — if even for just a moment longer.  I guess that’s what happens when you get to the third child.  You start to realize that seasons of life don’t repeat themselves.  You learn to savor the moment.

But as I was sitting here trying to figure out a way to turn back the clock, something struck me.  I realized that I don’t want time to go backwards.  I don’t want to go back to when Magoo was three or when Goosie was eighteen months or when Mae was six months.  Instead I want them to stay exactly as they are right at this very moment.

And the more I thought about it, the more the reason became clear to me.  It’s that with each passing milestone and each passing year, our babies become more of themselves.  There are twelve months between a newborn and a one year old, but with each passing month, as our babies grow more and more into themselves, we get to really see who they are.

Sure, when Mae was two months old, she would cuddle with me for hours on end.  When she was six months old, she would stay in one place so I could get cute pictures of her.  But now I get to see her trying out her legs and clapping along to songs, and studying my hands so closely so she can learn the hand motions to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

The reason I don’t want to turn back the clock is because I don’t want to lose any of who they have become.  To go back in time would be to give up a little of the personalities I have come to adore.  It would be to give up some of Magoo’s creativity and story telling.  It would be to give up Goosie’s antics and silly costumes, and it would be to give up Mae’s smiles and baby giggles, and the look of glee on her face as she excitedly crawls over to yet another contraband tiny object to stick into her mouth.

And so as we spend the next two months making our way through the rest of Mae’s infancy, I’m going to try to learn to appreciate the moments and appreciate who she is now, and I’m going to try to remember that for each milestone passed and each stage faded into the past, I will get to learn more and more about my little girl.