I wrote the other day about messiness. It’s a messy world we live in, pure and simple.
And I think the way most of us make sense out of that messiness is to close ourselves in. We close the ranks. We count those most important to us and the rest are left on the outside. We’ll communicate with them. We’ll make small talk. But there are only a handful of people who we really let touch our souls.
Socially, I always reside in a strange place. I love being around people. They energize me. I love new ideas and places and viewpoints. But I also get terribly shy. Most people probably don’t realize it because I think I hide it well, but I get nervous before I have to talk to people, even if it’s just idle chit chat. Because of that, I don’t put myself out there all that much socially. I’ll push myself to make social engagements and to accept ones I’m invited to. But if the other party cancels, I usually breathe a sigh of relief because it means I don’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing or being judged.
And I really don’t think I’m all that alone in that.
And like I said, it tends to make us shut ourselves in. By the time most of us get firmly entrenched in adulthood, I think we get to the point where we don’t need more people. We have who we need, and the rest are just icing on the cake should we choose to indulge.
Something happened tonight that made me question that, however. A community that we are a part of has been going through a difficult time as of late. Things happened, and quite honestly, I didn’t know how to respond. Should I be sad? Angry? Bitter? Scared? And because I’m me, I just chose them all, flipping from one emotion to the next in any given moment of the day. The world outside was a mess and so was the world inside my mind.
And then tonight there was a meeting about everything going on, and I didn’t know what to expect. How would other people be responding? And I found that everyone was pretty much responding in the same ways I was. Surprise, fear, sadness, anger. And people expressed those feelings. In that expression, I heard my own issues and I felt a bit comforted by them.
But more than all of that, what I heard was mercy. A wrong was (allegedly) done. It was acknowledged. Appropriate steps were taken. But instead of wallowing in the darkness of what had happened, I found people searching for light. People seeking ways to forgive. People seeking ways to hate the sin but love the sinner. People seeking ways to show mercy in a world where mercy is so very much needed.
Today I heard hope and because of that I heard peace.
No one had any real answers. No one had simple emotions. But just like I come to time and time again when I try to write out my thoughts, the only way forward is to leave those hard feelings in the past. Be angry and let it go. Mourn and say goodbye. Acknowledge the fear and then step forward.
Because the past is always messy and the past always leaves us with a complicated present. And we can’t change that.
But what we can do is seek the simple answer, and the simple answer is to always follow love. With eyes open to human weakness and hearts open to possible pain, we seek to love.
Because that’s the only answer that will make sense in the chaos. It’s the only voice that will quiet the fears. It’s the only door that will open to peace.
And without other people, I wouldn’t have found that. Without the words of others, I would be left in the darkness with my worries and anger and sadness. But when we reach out and we seek other souls, we can find answers.
Today I learned that no matter the situation, no matter the darkness, no matter the confusion or heartbreak, love is always there as our answer if only we will seek it.