Well today, Labor Day, marks the end of the summer, and suddenly I felt the urge to write something about the impending end of us being a family of five. I’m 35 weeks and 2 days today. My earliest was born at 35 weeks and 5 days and my latest at 37 and a half weeks. We could still have just under a month, but if that’s the case, this little missy would be the exception rather than the rule around here.
We took the girls to a park/farm this evening. We had a picnic, they caught some Pokemon, and TJ chased them around the park for quite some time. It was tiring and splendid. It was the perfect way to end the summer.
I am getting really excited for this little one to come. The more I get ready for her, and the more itty bitty outfits I organize (and organize again) the more real it becomes.
I remember this time during my first pregnancy. It was late spring and the lilac tree outside of our living room window was in bloom. There were tulips everywhere. I would come home from work, TJ would grill, and I would sit in the rocking chair in her room and just stare at it all.
This is happening, I would think. This is real. One day, a very real little girl would be in my arms and our lives as parents would begin.
And now we get to do it for a fourth time.
Things are getting a bit better now, but for about 10 days there, life was a little bit painful with this little one. Every step would send pain shooting through my legs and back and the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on.
And as I was groaning on my couch one evening, the miracle of it all struck me…
We had spent the majority of the years 2003-2007 trying to get pregnant. I would cry before I would fall asleep, and I would dread waking up in the morning. Things that I adored doing all of a sudden felt pointless. I wanted a baby so desperately, and with each passing month, I was more and more sure that if we ever had a child at all that it wouldn’t be one that I would be able to feel growing inside of me.
I mourned that experience for many months turned into years. It was a time of fear and uncertainty, hope and despair.
And then one random evening, the test turned positive, and everything changed.
That night was October 6, 2007. And here I sit, September 5, 2016 waiting to welcome not my first but my fourth little girl into this world.
And I find myself trying to catch my breath whenever I think of that. The blessings just seem too great, the gift too overwhelming to wrap my head around.
So I am sitting here in a flutter of excitement and nervousness. The anticipation is starting to get to me. And all I can feel is that I’m floating in a sea of bubbles composed of gratitude.
And my goodness does that sound corny, but are there any real words that can capture the blessings of our miracles?
Life will change in innumerable ways over the next couple of months. TJ and I won’t be able to sit on a park bench relaxing while watching the girls run around. We’ll be bounced back into the days of constant feedings and sleepless nights and round the clock doing.
But to be able to do all of that for all of these people is the greatest blessing of my life.
So many times people talk about children and the sacrifices they require. People wonder why we possibly wanted to do this four times. And all I can think is that the sacrifice is the joy. We must dedicate our lives to something, so why not lay them at the feet of those we most adore?
I don’t know if it will be one day or one month from now, but soon I will get to hold my baby girl, and my heart will burst just like it did with her sisters. I can’t wait for that moment. But in the meantime, I guess I should rest. Because one thing that times 1-3 taught me is that rest does not come easy to a new mama.
God bless you all, my friends! Please pray for a safe entry into the world for my baby girl and a safe delivery for me.