So this was us today. All cuddled into the top row of a somehow ridiculously overheated movie theater about to see…
Frozen.
I give you the dramatic ellipses because when you have multiple little girls, a new Disney princess movie is EPIC! (There I go with the drama again.)
Anyway, this movie adventure came to be because today TJ and I are celebrating the eleven year anniversary of one of the best days of my life — our wedding. But the odd thing is that I spent the whole time thinking about another day that in the long run has turned into one of the greatest days of my life… August 31, 2005. The day my doctor called me and informed me that I had a hormone disorder and that conceiving children would be quite difficult and perhaps impossible.
At the time I didn’t see it as a blessing. Actually, my whole world felt like it was spinning out of control. I felt powerless. I felt devastated. I felt broken. I felt so guilty for bringing TJ into my world of disappointment and faulty endocrine systems.
The years of disappointment before the diagnosis and the turmoil during it and the heartbreak as months turned into years afterwards are times I would never wish to go back to for anything. The uncertainty, the pain, the crushing disappointment, the fear.
But here I was today sitting in this theater with Terry and our herd of little girls and I couldn’t help but thank God for those years.
Those years taught me what true desire is. They taught me I could handle disappointment. They taught me that pain, even crushing pain, doesn’t have to crush. But most of all, more than anything, they turned me into the mom I am.
The mom who gets overwhelmed and flustered and tired and burnt out and yet who still cannot look for even a second at her girls and not feel a gratitude so all-encompassing that it can make a heart skip a beat and hands tremble.
Because this is a miracle.
These three girls are ours.
11 years ago we stood on an alter and giggled at the lyrics ” may their children be happy each day and may God bless this family which started today.” Just him and me. Two crazy young kids. And now eleven years later, it’s just him and me, and three crazy young kids.
This life is beautiful you guys. It’s full of heartache and disappointment, but it’s also filled with so much beauty that if we open ourselves to it, we can’t but help stand in total and complete awe.
So I thank God for 2003 and for giving me my TJ. But I also thank him for 2005 and for showing both him and me just how much all of this means.
Marriage is full of blessings, some of them obvious and some of them in disguise. It’s a journey. It’s a long and winding road. It’s every cliche we can come up with. Because partnership in this life IS life. It is what makes life worth living. It makes it harder and more complicated. It can make it frustrating and tiresome. But it also makes it more tender and intimate. It can help us derive meaning. It is a touchstone from where we came from and guidepost to where we want to be. It is what helps us get from who we were to whom we want to be.
It’s crazy. Two people. And now five. Love doesn’t always come easy, but when it’s real and when it’s strong and when it doesn’t give up, it can multiple into something so much greater than it ever was to begin with.
