I’ve started a few blogs in my life.
The first one I ever started was in graduate school. Part of an assignment I gave my students was to use Blogger to keep reading journals, and since I had them doing this assignment, I decided to do it myself. I’m not sure whatever happened to that blog.
A couple of times I decided to start a blog to document my journey to any of a number of goals that I was trying to reach. I was usually really good at blogging for about two or three days. Sometimes even four! But then I would eventually lose interest, and the blog would sit there untouched for years.
Throughout this whole time though I journaled. I have been an avid journaler since I was in college. At the time I just used it to document my days and my escapades. As time went on, however, I started using my journal to help me sort through ideas and issues. I started sharing these journals, and I found a lot of comfort and healing and growth in that.
And then in February of 2012, I decided yet again to start a blog. Goosie was a few months old; I no longer had my confidant to send my journals to, and I was feeling particularly secluded in my home 24/7. At first I kept my blog a secret. I didn’t tell anyone about it except TJ. And then slowly I started telling people about it, and then one day I decided to take the leap and post a link to it on Facebook.
Perhaps that was the most terrifying moment of my life. It was hard. I had spent my life trying to hide who I was and what I thought in an attempt to not push people away. Up until then I had felt like a chameleon. But here I had just broadcast my thoughts to pretty much everyone I had ever known. And the strange thing is that I continued doing it.
I read a lot of blogs. It’s part of the whole gig. And I read a lot of people’s posts about why they blog. And pretty much I think we are all the same. We are trying to create connections in a world that might be electronically more connected than ever but interpersonally is starting to feel far less… personal. We are trying to connect by sharing a part of ourselves.
And can I tell you how scary that is?
It’s easy to send my blog out to strangers. The worst thing that can happen is that a lot of people who don’t me don’t really care what I have to say. Luckily, I have found strangers to be beyond kind, and some of them have become less than strangers over the years.
But what is harder than sending it out into the blogosphere is sending them into the homes of real, live people that I know. People that I see. People that I respect. People who I want to respect me.
And I have to tell you that the response has brought me to tears at times in all the best ways.
I never really expected people to read this silly little blog. At least not very often. But you have.
When I share my stories, the most remarkable thing happens — you share yours. I welcome you into my life, and so many of you have welcomed me into your own.
You people are amazing.
Last night I sat down to write a bit about my past experiences and to share my thoughts about some things with my girls. I posted it on my blog because that’s just what I do. As usual, I felt a bit silly posting such personal things on the web, but like I said, that’s what I do. And the comments and shares I have gotten from you all have made today quite special. The words you all wrote to me are truly humbling.
I’ve been mulling the phrase “it takes a village,” over and over in my head over the past few days. “It takes a village to raise a family.” Sometimes this phrase seems a bit odd in our day and time, in our lives that are full of doors and locked windows and fences and gates. But through this blog, I feel like I have found my village in all of you. And the amazing thing is that so many of you have been here all along. I just never got much of a chance to know you until I finally got up the courage to put myself out there.
And I guess that’s the biggest lesson I have learned from this experience. When you put yourself out there, people will respond. Seriously. The bigger risk we put in sharing a piece of ourselves, the greater reward we will get with other people sharing a bit of themselves. My most rewarding blogging experiences have always been the emails and the comments I get from all of you saying that you feel the exact same way. It lets me know I am not alone. And again, I must sincerely thank you all for that.
I have to renew my blog every year. Part of me had been considering not renewing it this year. As rewarding as it is, and as honored as I have been to get such kind emails from people, I started to feel a bit silly. I started to feel odd sending my thoughts and words out to all of you. But then just when I was starting to get discouraged, I started to get so many truly gracious comments from readers, and they have, you have, convinced me to keep on going.
And so I guess I’ll end this by just saying once again, thank you. Thank you for reading what I write and thank you for sharing it and thank you for emailing and commenting and posting. Thank you for helping me feel less alone in this big world. Thank you for reading these sometimes vulnerable words and for keeping them safe and for sending me back your own vulnerabilities. Thank you for allowing me to be real and thank you for being real in return.
I stand humbled and eternally grateful.
