Sweet Anticipation

I think the best part of the last few weeks of pregnancy are the memories you are creating.

Let’s face it.  The third trimester kind of sucks. There are contractions and pain and limited movement, heartburn, fatigue, nausea.  When you are living in it, it’s nearly impossible not to just wish it was over.

Memorial Day weekend always reminds me of those final days of waiting back before Magoo was born.

I remember how strong the lilacs smelled outside of my front window.  How TJ would grill on the back patio, and I would sit on the couch reading or I would sit up in Magoo’s nursery, folding clothes and arranging nicknacks all with the sweet smell of lilacs in the background.

I remember tulips in nearly every yard. They were so fresh and reminiscent of new life that I couldn’t help but to buy fresh ones for my table every couple of days.  There’s something special about waiting to give birth to new life while you are watching nature come alive all around you.

But most of all I remember feeling as if I was standing at the edge of a cliff, knowing that at any moment, I would be going over the edge.  Afraid of falling but anticipating the soar.

One day I’ll be old and my memory will begin to fail me, but if any memories stay strong in my mind, I am certain those late days of May 2008 will be at the forefront.

Those days were the line that would forever mark the before and after.  Just as it was a beginning, it was an end.  Things would never again go back to how they were. Never would my heart be able to shrink back to the size it was before I first looked into her eyes and made silent promises that I vow to keep forever.

The final days of pregnancy are taxing and tiring, but the strength of the anticipation heightens our senses and awakes us to all that is around us that is fresh and new and Heaven sent.  Never are we so alive as during this time when we are preparing to bury a part of ourselves to make room for a new, better self.

Those days are trying and painful and sometimes almost excruciating but they are also oh so sweet.

(You’ll notice the dates on the photos are all off.  That was a camera glitch.)