I was lying on the floor this evening in the living room after dinner. We were all chilling out before it was time for the girls to go to bed, and little Mae came crawling over to me, stood up, and started roaring in my face. Then she broke into a fit of hysterical laughter and crawled away.
Earlier today, I was sitting in the kitchen, and Goosie came up to me and told me how her cousin had come up to her and given her a shot (a fake toy shot) in the tummy and how “it was soooo funny.”
And I was taking down birthday decorations when I heard Magoo behind me singing one of her favorite songs in the most dramatic of fashions and she bumped into me as she twirled across the floor. The sound of her voice could have been mine thirty years ago.
And each of these times and dozens more in the past few days have made me want to stop everything going on in the world around me and just sit here and savor these three. To take them in and drink them up and celebrate the joy of their very being.
This time last year, Mae had just been born. She was still in that cuddly newborn phase, and I would just rock her in my arms for hours on end. I didn’t want anything to change. I wanted to savor that time with her. Surely I thought nothing could be better than this. And then today I heard her laughter and I saw her trying to tease me, and I saw her smearing birthday cake in her hair, and I thought again, surely nothing could be better.
This time last year, Goosie was just finishing speech class. In a couple of months she had gone from one word to dozens, and now she’s able to do more than just tell me where things are; she’s able to share her emotions and desires, and she’s able to tell me why she thinks something is funny. Just as I’m missing the babbling of her toddlerhood, I experience this new insight into her soul, and I think surely nothing could be better.
And Magoo… somewhere along the way she has grown up into a little girl. Gone is the baby talk and the toddles and the need to always have me at her side, and in it’s place are joy and creativity and intelligence. She and I make grand plans of craft projects to make and trips to take. She’s my little buddy. My side kick. And I think surely nothing could be better.
We had Mae’s first birthday party today. It’s a bit late because of our move. And I’m sure none of you would suspect, but ordinarily I go a bit crazy before birthday parties. I feel the need to clean every corner of my house and finish every last project. I decorate every inch, and I plan homemade meals and multiple appetizers.
This year started out no different. I didn’t have much actual cleaning to do, but I spent the better portion of the last week creating homemade decorations for every open bit of space in our house. We started putting them out last night, and then as usual, we were rushing around trying to get everything done this morning.
And then I stopped.
I no longer cared if we got the streamers hung up. I didn’t care that we still had a pile of pictures in the corner that needed to be hung. I didn’t care that my mud room was muddy.
All I wanted to do was savor.
I wanted to go in the living room and spend time with the wonderful little soul we were celebrating today. It’s as if suddenly I realized I could throw this party for her or I could enjoy it with her.
Luckily I chose the second.
And so we bounced balloons, and we opened presents and we (or rather she) smeared cake everywhere. And I think it was one of if not my favorite birthday party we have ever had.
People always say how quickly time goes by when you have children, but I’m starting to wonder if it makes the time go more quickly or if the stages just make us acutely aware of the passing seasons of our lives. Everything changes. Everything is fleeting. Today’s tender sighs and baby giggles become tomorrow’s first day of school, first date, and first apartment.
So often we spend our lives achieving — we want the clean house and the impressive resume and the coordinating outfits, but unfortunately I think what we often trade in for those things are the moments. The moments of magic and of wonder and of innocence and of growth.
One day, I’ll be sitting on this couch and my girls will be off making their way into the world. I pray that by that time I will have filled my bucket with a million memories of moments spent with them, and hopefully I’ll be learning to cherish the new moments that will come with those seasons.
And while I sit here and write about savoring the moments of today and tomorrow, I want to just say thank you, I love you, and Happy Birthday to someone who played a crucial role in my memories of yesterday. Happy Birthday Grandma! I hope the angels are singing you “Happy Birthday” and that you have an endless supply of Heavenly Peeps!
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