Some days I just feel raw.
And tired.
And worn out.
This life I live here with my hubby and my three little ones is a beautiful life. It is full of love and laughter and compassion and forgiveness. My bucket overflows with blessings, and my heart is filled with gratitude.
And yet…
Sometimes things just get rough.
It’s hard speaking when the only answer comes from the wind.
It’s hard being understanding when you feel just so misunderstood.
It’s hard doing and helping and serving and reminding and encouraging when you are left feeling as if you are invisible.
And the problem is that we people don’t do well being invisible. We were created to be seen and heard and understood, and so when we don’t feel those things coming our way, we find other ways to be heard.
We can’t hurt others. We won’t hurt others. So instead…
Instead we decide to lash out internally at ourselves. We take that anger and perhaps even that rage and we use it to destroy who we are.
We can be our own worst critic and we can also be our own worst abuser.
They say that depression is anger turned inside.
Sounds about right.
Because sometimes you just need to be heard, and your fear and and your anger and your sadness and your terror need to go somewhere. And it’s just easier, it’s just safer to turn it inward.
Inside.
Where the world won’t be hurt by it.
We stand afraid to touch the world, locked away inside our towers of fear.
But eventually. Some day. We will want to be free.
Free.