Today my heart is sad, and perhaps that’s the only true thing I can say. This world doesn’t make sense to me.
It’s filled with so much unbelievable beauty. It’s filled with love and warmth and sunsets and spring flowers. It’s filled with heroes and helpers and lovers and guiders.
And yet it’s filled with so much darkness too. The wars and the murders and the thefts and the cold hearts.
But sometimes all of the darkness isn’t outside. Sometimes it can seep into our souls. It can change the way we view things. It can make the light too difficult to find. The darkness can take over.
Some souls just cannot withstand it. They get lost in it all. They have a vulnerability that sometimes proves fatal despite its beauty.
Sadness hurts. Grief hurts. But I’m not sure there’s really anything that can hurt more than the loss of all hope. That’s a darkness that falls over your chest and its weight is so heavy it can suffocate. It’s an inability to understand what hope looks like, to believe that a tomorrow exists, to believe that life is anything less than unbearable pain. It’s a pain that leads you to seek an escape. You run from it in the only ways you know how and sometimes that deludes you into believing that death is the only way to live. That doesn’t make sense. But it’s not supposed to for anyone not trapped in the clutches of despair.
But then there are so very many pieces left behind. So many broken hearts and broken promises and broken souls. So many questions that will never have answers. And perhaps the greatest unanswered question is the life that is gone. Where was it going? How would it have healed? Who would it have touched? How would it have learned to soar yet again?
This world is filled with so much pain. Ironically, there is always a hand reached out, seeking to help. The problem is that the darkness is too thick. It can’t feel the hand. It can’t see it. It can’t believe it’s there even if it’s right in front of its face.
There is nothing more blind than a soul lost in the darkness.
And so tonight I just pray and I ask you all to pray for the lost souls of this Earth. The ones that are trying to break free. The ones that need the light. The ones who have lost hope, and the ones who believe solace can no longer be found.
Because despite all of its pain and suffering, this world is a beautiful place. It’s worth holding on for. It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth suffering for. And somehow, someway, we need to find a way to reach into the darkness that affects so very many and help them find that beauty that they are so utterly unable to see.
We are all broken. We are all lost. But we all have hope even if we can’t feel it.
But I pray for the souls, one very special one in particular, who left this Earth without finding her peace. Who could no longer stand up against the suffering. Who sought release in the only way she knew how. I pray for her and her soul.
I pray for all those who are left to make sense of the pieces. Those who must wake up tomorrow with a piece of themselves lost to the darkness. Those who must ask themselves unanswerable questions and those who must come to terms with the answers that are out there. Suicide doesn’t end suffering; it just passes it on to other people. And I pray for those who must now start a journey of suffering, and I pray that their journey ends in peace and forgiveness and somehow and some way, joy.
May God have one more saint worshipping at his feet, and may all those left behind find a peace that she was unfortunately unable to find.
And should this message find its way all the way up there, beyond the clouds, please know that you were beautiful and you were kind and you were talented. I didn’t know you as well as I would have wished, but I loved you nevertheless. Forevermore I will pray that you have found your little slice of peace.
God bless you xoxo