There’s an old country song with lyrics that say, “This killing time is killing me.” I think the author of that line shares a soul with me.
For me, by far the hardest part of not having a traditional job is the lack of structure. I don’t do well in unstructured environments. Instead of using unscheduled time for something productive or enjoyable, instead I find myself curled up in the fetal position counting down the hours until I can go to bed, wondering how inappropriate it would be to put on an episode of Doc McStuffins so I can have a few moments to wallow in my self pity. (An attractive picture I paint, huh?)
And it doesn’t work. Who wants to see their lives as that inconvenience that happens when sleep isn’t possible? Who wants their favorite part of the day to be laying their head on the pillow and pulling the covers over their head?
And it’s frustrating because unstructured time is so easy to fix — I just need to structure it. I need to create a schedule and stick to it. But that’s where it gets difficult. I can’t seem to get myself to do it. I can make the schedule. I can organize everything, and yet it falls by the wayside.
This is just more proof that I am my own worst enemy. That all my problems are inside of me just waiting for me to fix them.
Is this a problem for you? Do you wake up and see eighteen unstructured hours ahead of you and have no idea how you are going to fill them up?
Or maybe it’s just me and my unhappy neurotransmitters.
Either way, something has got to give. There’s plenty of joy just sitting on the sidelines waiting for me to snatch it up. I just need to find my way over to it.
I just got my B12 shot today. Perhaps that will help. I’m on forced hiatus from running, but I should have my pool pass set up soon, so I’m sure adding aerobic activity back into my life will help.
And I can focus on the good, and there is, as usual, plenty of good.
Magoo has been playing miniature golf all day. I think she has herself convinced she should go pro. Now I just have to convince her to stop swinging her club near my television.
The Goose has started talking nonstop. It’s not actual words she says, but tunes she hums and meaningful grunts to get our attention. And she gives the world’s best kisses — you have to be careful though because sometimes she gets confused and tries to bite off your nose.
And I made a new meal today (stuffed shells) and both girls loved it. The Goose will pretty much eat anything, but usually Magoo needs to have eaten a meal a couple of times to warm up to it. Not this one — it was a winner from the start!
I know a big part of maintaining happiness is focusing on gratitude, and so I try to keep that in the center of my life. Sometimes, unfortunately, even that isn’t enough. But I guess that’s what tomorrow is for. After all, aren’t Mondays supposed to kind of suck?
we were talking about this yesterday..when my son was complaining nothing in life is fair…I told him there was something that was fair…time…everyone has the same amount…it is up to each of us how to use it.
Very true!
{Melinda} I have a really hard time with lack of structure, too! I’ve worked out of my home for years and it has always been a battle. I have found a few things that help though:
1.) Starting the day with prayer and asking God to help me be focused and productive
2.) Make a list and write the approx. time it will take me to complete each item. For me, anyway, it helps the list to seem less overwhelming. I can also see if the number of tasks on my list are realistic.
Finally, once I get my list done (or mostly done) I give myself “permission” to be unstructured instead of feeling guilty about it. And I reward myself with little breaks inbetween tasks.
Don’t know if that’s at all helpful, but as a woman with ADD who has struggled with procrastination and perfectionism most of my life, I definitely feel your pain! 🙂
Thank you so much for the advice. Just knowing that others struggle with these things is a help, but your ideas were also helpful. I’m trying to start the day with a prayer and a plan. I’m finding that if I take a moment first thing and try to focus my attention and patience that it does really set the tone for the day.