Dear Goosie,
I seriously doubt you will remember today thirty years from now, but I’m pretty sure I’ll remember it.
We came home from dropping Magoo off at school, and instead of doing what I asked you to do, I found you sitting in a corner, picking all of the fake flower buds and leaves off of my three fake flower vases. It’s not really all that big of a deal. I liked them, but I knew they would more than likely meet an untimely fate.
I told you that it made me angry that you broke my flowers. I asked you to apologize. I told you that I love you very much. I told you that when you break something of someone else’s you have to say you are sorry. You refused. And you have been in time out ever since.
Every little bit I go over there and ask you to apologize, and you have stopped responding to me. I believe you know you are in it for the long haul because you told me that you would stay in time out during nap time.
It’s a battle of the wills here. And I have a responsibility to you not to lose.
I want to come over there and give you a hug. I want to tell you to forget about the whole thing. I want to play with Legos with you and write on your chalk board. I want my Goose to cuddle and love on and make smile.
But instead, you have been on the stair in time out for way, way longer than even I thought you would last.
And you look sad. So sad. I hate that look. I hate that it is me who is making you look like that.
But here’s the thing, Goosie. If I give in, if I let you off the hook without saying I’m sorry, then no one wins.
Because you will learn that apologizes don’t matter.
You will learn that there is no real stability because you will know that your will is stronger.
You will learn that consequences can be overturned.
You will learn a mom who values her own emotional well being over your long term growth.
I don’t want to break you spirit, Goosie. That is not what this is about. I don’t want you to lose one ounce of your perseverance and spunk and determination and excitement. But you do need to learn that consequences have actions and that apologies, while merely words, are important. You need to learn that in relationships, sometimes we have to make a big move (like saying, “I’m sorry,”) to move things forward. And you need to learn that even on the worst of days, on days when you have been in time out for a zillion hours, on days where you have pushed every single one of my buttons, that I will always, always love you.
That my love never falters. It never fails. But sometimes it does have to stand its ground.