Parenting can break your heart. Sometimes in good ways (like the first time she says, “I love you,”) but sometimes in terribly sad ways. I’ve always thought that the role of being a parent is a bit cruel. You spend the first few weeks of your children’s lives getting used to them being totally and completely dependent upon you, and then you spend the next 18 years coping with each step they take away from you.
Today was one of those days where my heart has been broken in a sad way. The Goose has decided to be done nursing, and I feel like an irretrievable season of my life has passed.
I was never very passionate about nursing like some mothers are. I was glad of the health benefits and the fact that it is free, but I was never the Earth Mama basking in a maternal glow while I fed my daughter, “liquid gold.” And a lot of the time, I found it to be a pain in the behind. I never felt totally comfortable nursing in public, and it got very tiring to be the only one, for an entire year, who could calm her when she was upset. Up until I broke my elbow a few weeks ago, every single time she woke up in the middle of the night, so did I. She would never take a bottle, so I was all she had.
And then she decided to stop.
It wasn’t really an abrupt stop, and I planned on nursing until she was 12 months old, which she turns in a week, so I met my goal. I had to drastically reduce the number of nursing sessions when I got hurt because I couldn’t hold her well, and for a week or so, I actually couldn’t nurse her alone. During this time, we started her on milk, and she loved her sippy so much that she weaned herself during the day. But she still always wanted her before bed feeding until last night.
And I know I should be relishing my newfound freedom. Anyone can put her to bed now. I don’t have to wear nursing bras. I can take over the counter medications and have a glass of wine without worrying about timing and whether she’ll want to nurse in the middle of the night. I have my body back for the first time in 20 months.
And I should be happy for her. It’s kind of ridiculous just how excited she gets about her sippy. She takes it and tilts her head all the way back so she can get the last drop, and she crawls around with it in her little hand refusing to let it go for anything. She’s gaining independence, and my goal as a parent is to help her acheive her independence.
So why does it hurt so bad?
I am sharing in your post weaning heartbreak. My daughter took a long time to get the hang of a sippy cup – so for awhile I felt like I was going to nurse for-ev-er! But now that she has weaned herself (just in the past couple weeks) I am a little sad that we don’t have our special nightly cuddles together anymore. 🙁
It really is so sad. My daughter wouldn’t take a bottle for anything, so I thought the transition to the sippy would be really long, but she loves it, and carries it around with her everywhere. I hope you are able to find special times with her in other ways – this mothering is an emotional job.
I honestly dread this moment with my son. I am loving breastfeeding him so much that I know it will be hard for me when he weans. Thanks for linking up with Mommy Talk Tuesday!
Awww, thanks for sharing your story. I’m going through the same thing with our toddler and cloth diapers, she’s basically already potty trained.
CJR @ The Mami Blog
Thanks for stopping by! I am going to be so upset when we are done with our cd’s. I am a bit of a cloth diapering addict 🙂