Goosie at Two

Hi Goose,

Tomorrow you turn two. I’ve celebrated quite a few birthdays between you and your sister now, and for whatever reason, this one is the hardest for me. I get a bit teary-eyed thinking about it. In fact, the tears are running now.

I just cannot believe how fast you are growing up. Two years old. That’s a big deal!

You are an enigma my dear. You confound me. You entertain me. Occasionally you frustrate me. But always, always you are loved by me.

I think I’m sad about you turning two because I see the gusto with which you take on the world, and I know that you are going to move full speed ahead as fast as you can. You are going to take on the world. My guess is you won’t be one to be content settled at home for long.

Sometimes I look at you and my heart is filled with such an overwhelming sense of protection. You seem so independent, free, ready to take on the world. And yet, deep inside, sometimes I feel you might need me even more than the rest of them do. You might run around and play with all of the older kids, and go down the highest slide, and run as fast as you can away from me at the park, but then you are the first to come back and lay in my arms, need a hug, or just want to hold my hand.

The way you need me is different from your sisters. And I pray every day that I will be able to give you what you need. That I will be able to be the safe zone from which you venture. That I will be the place of unconditional love and acceptance. That after you have thrown a fit and fell to the ground in a temper tantrum, that my arms will be here to rock you until you are calm again.

And maybe that’s why inside I feel so protective over you. Because I know you need that one safe person.

Just the other day, I put you and Mae in our double stroller, and I was taken aback because last summer you were the baby in the stroller, and now you are the big kid. It’s hard to believe how much you have grown over the last year.

Sometimes I just sit back and watch you, endlessly entertained.

At how you squeal in delight at things in a way that I didn’t even know real people squeal.

At how you repeat other people’s sentence structure, so that instead of saying “Help me,” you say, “Help you,” or “buckle you.”

At how you say “thank you Mommy,” and “I love you Mommy,” and when you are in the mood, you will respond to my “I love you,” with a simple, “too.”

At how you chase after Magoo and want so desperately to do everything she does. How you sing with her and dance with her, play hide and seek with her, and read books with her. Right now, she is your hero. I know it might not always stay like that, but I pray it will as long as it can, and then if it severs that it will grow back as you two age. Because there are very few blessings in the world as wonderful as siblings.

At how you are with Mae. When she was born, I was sure you would have difficulties with not being the baby anymore, but literally from the moment you saw her, you were in love. You screamed “Baby,” when you saw her lying in the hospital bassinet, and then when she made a peep, your eyes got huge as you realized that she could move and make sounds like a real baby. Much cooler than your dolls. And still, I have yet to see you show anything but absolute adoration to her. Many, many times a day you hug her an tell her you love her and tell her how cute she is. You are a perfect big sister.

At how you still love being held in the Moby or Ergo. If you are having a rough day and can’t quite seem to find center, all I have to do is put you in there, and you lay your head on my chest, start twirling your hair in your fingers, and your entire body relaxes almost instantly. And it makes sense because you and I were always on the same wave length. As an infant, I was the only one who could calm you. It was an exhausting year, but being that person for you has been one of the great honors of my life.

And at just how you want to experience everything. Baby chicks at Magoo’s preschool, the slide at the park, all the animals at the zoo, all the books at the library. If there is something to experience, you are there.

And now you start your year as a two year old, and I cannot wait to watch you grow and change. But I do hope a large part of you stays the same because I am absolutely in love with who you are.

So happy birthday my little one.

I love you all the way to the stars.