I wonder how often in life an average person (a grown up person) laughs off their dreams as impossibilities. How often do we get so stuck in the here and now that we fail to realize that each day holds endless possibilities?
Before having kids, I was a college English instructor – the kind with no prestige who teaches at a community college. I loved my job. Adored it. I quit two years ago when the pressures of being a full time mom combined with part time work became too much. It was the best decision I have ever made and also the most heartbreaking.
Since then, I have been kind of wandering around in a limbo without any clear idea of where I am headed. I have become more confident in my mothering abilities, but less confident in my abilities in most other areas. My self esteem and sense of competency have faltered. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the belief that my reality is what I make of it.
By my best estimates, I have about another seven or eight years of full time stay at home motherhood, and it is up to me to decide how I want to spend that time. Do I spend that time just biding my time and not reaching out for much, or do I spend that time cultivating myself just as much as I am cultivating my relationship with my daughters?
And that got me thinking — what would I do if I could do anything? Who would I be?
The answer scares me. And I would hope your answers scare you as well because if we are scared by the answer, it means that we are really dreaming and thinking big.
I started thinking of a million reasons why I could not live the life I am imagining — I’m not good enough, skilled enough, disciplined enough, smart enough… You get the picture. But then in the back of my mind, I also heard a small voice saying, “But what if you are? What if you are selling yourself short?”
What would you do if you believed you could do anything? Is the outcome worth the risk?
My answer involves freedom and passion. I want to choose a small number of activities that I am really passionate about, and I want to excel in them. I don’t want anyone telling me what to do or how to do it. I want to do something where my success is built entirely around my own effort, so that I can look back at it and take sole responsibility for my success and failure. And I want to learn that success requires failure and that short term failure can ultimately be more important than short term success.
What step could you take this week that could lead you closer to your dreams? Do you have the courage to earn the life you deserve?