Dads

TJ and I got lost on our honeymoon.  We were heading from Nashville to Gatlinburg and I figured we would use a map rather than specific directions.  This was in the post-Mapquest, pre-GPS stage of technological advancement.  So we were driving and driving, following the squiggly lines on the map, and all of a sudden we had no clue where we were and there was no one anywhere near to ask.  I think it took us about three times as long to get there as it was supposed to, but we were newlyweds and were enjoying the quiet time together.  Plus, we had just gotten lost in Nashville for about four hours the day before, so this wasn’t new territory for us.

Sometime during that trip, we started talking about our first impressions of each other.  TJ thought I was sophisticated and intimidating when I first met him which I find funny every time he reminds me because if there are two things I’m not, they are sophisticated and intimidating.  I thought he was an innocent.  And that is and always will be the greatest compliment I can give to a person.

Then he told me about the different things he considered when he was thinking about moving our relationship from courtship to marriage.  That brought the conversation to a halt, and I stared at him in shock, awed at the fact that he had considered anything.  “You didn’t just know?”  I asked.  And he said that of course he did, but he also thought long term and thought about our compatibility and how our visions for the future meshed with each other.

Now obviously if there are any young people out there considering marriage, I should say that this is the best way to go.  It’s a life long commitment.  Think it out.  Test out different futures for yourself.  Think long term.  Think logically.

But of course this is not what I did.  My heart told me he was the right one, so why would my brain even need to get involved?  (I’m not really any more logical than I was back then, by the way.)

And so I like thinking that it was just a cosmic connection between him and I.  The magic had sparked something in my soul, and I instantly knew that our lives should be connected.

But then I look at my girls, and I wonder, actually, if it was as mindless as I had thought.

I see TJ putting our girls before absolutely everything.  I see him thinking about their well being.  I see him thinking about my own well being.  I see that he is a good man.  He’s not perfect, but his intentions are always there, as pure as anyone could hope.  He helps people.  If he can be of any assistance in any way, he will be the first to step in.  But he’s not all that loud.  He likes keeping to himself, and his world revolves around his family.  In other words, his priorities are in line.

I think about all of this, and then I think back to my wedding day, and I realize that as I was walking down the aisle with my dad, I was walking from my dad to the dad of my future children, the journey was more of a going home than a moving away.  Because I was going back to those very same values that I grew up with.  Giving and selflessness and compassion and honor.  They were values I had grown up with, and they are values that I am now very grateful that my girls get to grow up with as well.

As moms, there’s a ton that we give to our children.  But the gift of a great father is one of the most important.  Because we can do everything and be everything that we possibly can, but we can’t be the main man in their lives.  For daughters, we can show them how we expect to be treated, but we can’t show them the way a woman should be treated by a man.  Only dads can do that.

As a family, we don’t go camping much.  Like really ever.  We like air conditioning and bug free environments and plumbing and all that good stuff.  But once every couple of years, we will take the plunge and break out the tent to camp for the night.

I remember the first time I went camping with TJ.  We had been married about a year, and my parents had given us a really nice tent for our first anniversary.  We were all set with the camping gear and the hiking gear, and our little metal sticks for toasting marshmallows.

We had a pretty good day, and as evening passed, we spent time around the campfire.  Then it was time to go to bed.  Camping was nothing new to me.  We had camped almost every summer growing up, so this shouldn’t have been anything odd.  But I found myself lying in my tent, listening to the owls, and I felt so weird… so insecure, so vulnerable out there in that tent.  And it was then that I realized that while it had been a couple dozen times I had gone camping, it was the first time I had gone without my dad there.  And it felt really weird because he was the one who was there to protect us.  I could sleep, even in bear infested national parks, because I always knew my dad was there keeping everyone safe.

TJ and I have been married over eleven years now.  I am definitely comfortable now sleeping in a tent with him, and I would follow him anywhere.  I know that no matter what, I am always safe with him.  And I believe that part of the reason for that, part of the reason that I sought and found someone safe and secure was because it was what I had learned growing up.

And the best news of that is that my girls will hopefully follow suit one day as well — they will spend the next two decades learning the man who is their father, and then when they go out and find a mate and a future father for their children, they will have that idea of what a man is imprinted on their soul.

So to my dad and to TJ and to all the dads out there, thank you for what you do.  Thank you for being who you are.  And I pray you had a very blessed and happy Father’s Day.

 

And look how happy he looks to be helping me roll my yarn into a ball.  I do believe it’s his favorite part of me buying overpriced yarn to make into little butterflies and doilies.

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