Sometimes I get so happy that it makes me sad. I count my blessings, and I get lost.
I see Magoo reading a new book, and I hear her telling me about it, and I’m blown away that she has become a full-fledged little person.
I hear Goosie saying “I love you,” and I relish in the way the word “love” seems to take up her whole mouth. I hear her say “I love you” to her little sister while kissing her and I feel as if my heart will break into a million pieces.
I’ll look down at Mae’s little half grins as she lies peacefully in my arms, and I’ll wish the world would stop turning for just a few moments so this moment could last a bit longer.
There are so many moments in this life that make my heart feel so full, and I look down at my littles and realize just how fleeting it all is.
I read articles where authors implore mothers to take the time to appreciate the little moments amidst the chaos.
I’ll read articles telling mothers to relish and savor every moment, taking nothing for granted.
And it makes me so sad. Because it’s not possible. We cannot possibly savor and relish in every single moment.
Sometimes we need a bubble bath in a room all alone. Sometimes we need to get out of the house. And sometimes we need to hide behind our phones while the little ones are engaged in other activities.
Because as precious and fleeting and perfect as motherhood is, especially with really little ones, it is also equally all-encompassing. It’s saying goodbye to what we want and putting another’s needs ahead of our own. It’s about doing for others more than we would ever possibly do for ourselves. It’s wishing the world for another and being willing to do whatever we can to give it to them.
And sometimes we just need a break.
And that makes me sad. Because I know what I’m missing every moment that I’m not savoring. I know that twenty years from now, I will wish for children throwing temper tantrums in Target. I’ll look into the eyes of my girls and remember when the eyes staring back at me thought I hung the moon, and I’ll know that despite my wildest wishes, it is a time I will never be able to go back to.
These times are short. And they are oh so sweet.
But perhaps it’s time we all stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to savor them because maybe the savoring is taking away our enjoyment.
Next time I sit on the floor and play with the girls or cuddle on the couch to read a book, I hope I won’t be thinking about how this will all pass. I hope I’ll be able to simply appreciate the moment for what it is.
And maybe then it will make me less sad.
